


one day.

by prismatic_starstuff



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Annatar knows Celebrimbor is suspicious, Both of them are unhappy but just want to be together, Celebrimbor suspects Annatar of not being who he says he is, Hugging and Kissing, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23435533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prismatic_starstuff/pseuds/prismatic_starstuff
Summary: Celebrimbor and Annatar never dare to voice their thoughts aloud.
Relationships: Celebrimbor | Telperinquar/Sauron | Mairon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	one day.

As he gazes at his partner, Celebrimbor’s eyes are sceptical, brow furrowed lightly in almost pleading fashion. The uncertainty that pulls at his usually resolute heart is undeniable, unbearable, unspeakable; the thought that his beloved, his most precious gift, may never have been more than a deceiver who would see him ruined… It is unfathomable.

And so he chooses to not so much as try; not now. Not without evidence, a thing which even the cold and brave leader finds himself too fearful to seek; for so long as there is no evidence, there is no issue. Annatar is Annatar, and all is well: there need be no loss, no war, no ending. Annatar will be his to keep, to love and to hold close as they always do, and nothing need change…

Yet as days pass - as suspicions mount, as whispers increase in volume and number, as doubt builds - he feels his hope slip from him, and it fades bitterly into despair. War with Sauron is a painless thought, or it certainly should be; but to war with his Annatar? That is a fate he cannot so much as consider.

Yet Celebrimbor never dares to voice these thoughts aloud.

Even though he knows gravely that whether it be the one he prays for, or the one that haunts his nightmares, the truth must emerge one day.

And as Annatar gazes back, his eyes are inscrutable. Always nigh-impossible to read after aeons of self-discipline, yet warm from affection regardless, and lately soft from a silent and repressed pain; and even he - in all his talents, with all his talent for masquerading and lies - can not disguise this.

He knows his partner is questioning. He has heard the talk among the elves, has seen the suspicion in their eyes, has felt the new tensions in his dear Tyelpe’s form during their once-tender embraces. In denial of his true feelings, his mouth curves itself into that kind and well-practised smile of his; and yet it takes all his will to keep his fair image’s lips from trembling, takes all his discipline to stop himself from breaking his own illusion. Deceiving his partner in such a manner hurts him in a way he is unfamiliar with, in a way he detests; yet despite the tears that force themselves from his eyes at night, despite his own heart’s volatile protests, despite the newfound revulsion he feels at the sound of the silver-tongued untruths that he once took such pride in, he knows he cannot admit the truth.

For Celebrimbor’s heart belongs to Annatar, the gentle and good servant of the Valar, the kind and benevolent divinity who came bearing gifts and wisdom; and Celebrimbor’s heart could never belong to Sauron, as Sauron is not a creature to be loved, and there is no other more aware of that fact than Sauron himself.

Yet Sauron never dares to voice these thoughts aloud.

Even though he knows, with crushing certainty that grows with each passing second, it is inevitable that the truth will emerge one day.

Instead, they simply draw near to close the distance between them, holding one another close as they always do, arms wrapping around bodies in a familiar once-tender embrace. As he always does, Celebrimbor takes Annatar’s chin to tilt his head upwards for a kiss; and as he always does, Annatar so willingly returns the gesture, resting himself against his beloved’s body.

With a gentleness borne of his heart rather than deception, the cruel and murderous hand of Sauron so lovingly cups Celebrimbor’s cheek; and although Celebrimbor finds his mind full of accusations and his heart full of pain, he simply holds his Annatar closer, fingers ghosting over his form as though trying to commit it to memory forever.

The two part only when breath is a necessity, and although they do, it is not far. Annatar’s glistening golden eyes meet Celebrimbor’s steely blue, and for a moment, the love between them is strong enough to silence both their thoughts.

It is with a silent solemnity that they both know the truth will emerge someday.

But neither will allow it to be this day.


End file.
